so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
