dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
