i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
