Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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