And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
