So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
