i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
