every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
