i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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