Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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