oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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