so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
