She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
