just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
