I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
