apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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