So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will be naked everywhere
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
