How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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