Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
