Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
