i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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