its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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