you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
