can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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