I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
