Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
