My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
