Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You made out with two different species that night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
