I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
