shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
