I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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