Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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