Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
