While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
