first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
