You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
