I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
