I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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