Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can text with my tongue
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
