Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
