Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
