I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
