capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
People in love make me want to vomit
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
