Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
