Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
