Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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