it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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