It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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