I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
