She's JV to your varsity
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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