that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
